#5: What does "No More Reigndear Games" mean?

I hold myself
to the expectation
that
I will not jeopardize
what strength I've regained
by serving others
when it also hurts me.
I am actively working
to identify instances
in which
others create convincing scenarios
that justify meeting their expectations,
but my compliance
invalidates my needs, dignity and identity,
compromises my core values of integrity, adventure and compassion,
or compromises any piece of my holistic safety.
I will not accept blame for others' poor choices.
I will not internalize others' guilt and shame.
Their shame breeds suffering.
That suffering is not my fault.
Suffering is not my responsibility to fix.
Regardless of how logical an argument,
how scary a threat,
how apparently positive or trusting the person;
Regardless of what recovery-focused possibilities exist,
and no matter what previous promises were made,
abuse is real,
abuse is abuse,
abuse is unacceptable,
and abuse must be made known,
because abuse's greatest ally is secrecy.
I am getting better in
identifying which people and circumstances
most trigger the very real manifestations
of my sicknesses.
Nothing about those people or circumstances
are within my capacity.
Their deception is not my fault,
and what abuses I suffer that they have caused is not my fault,
but I can learn to recognize deception's patterns.
I will not punish myself by refusing myself good things.
I will not deny myself what I need or wisely want.
I will not withhold narrating my story
to protect others' stories
from fear of retaliation.
I do not deserve disrespect, even if I made a mistake.
Creating a punishment for myself,
that is imaginary and unnecessary,
will not take away other peoples' suffering,
help those making poor choices,
atone for crimes abusers created,
or prove to my mom that I deserve her love.

 

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