Posts in Musings
What do you do all day? Not a dumb question.

Continuing without a full-time job is nowhere near a luxury, nor is it fulfilling, in the sense of it feeling like an extravagant lifestyle or sort of quasi-early retirement. My recovery is a full-time job that, when rushed, quickly topples over and requires resetting again.

Inpatient is effective because it strips away responsibilities to allow clients to 100% focus on healing. Returning home to live independently is a culture shock for two reasons: (1) Clients suddenly orchestrate their own recovery work and (2) Clients re-engage with all self-care responsibilities: Employment, family, friend and romantic relationships, new debts and all the other pieces of adulthood. That’s the number one space for falling off the wagon.

Growing has nothing to do with laziness, incompetency or poorly applying what we’ve learned. It requires trial and error – mostly error. Recovery is high stakes because errors undo gains and the self-confidence it took to grow. Mental illness is an injury, and an injury is an injury is an injury. It’s learning to walk a new way, to whatever the extent possible, including managing the burdensome mindset of remembering needs are needs without fault. Our frailty is a universal humanity.

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Reprocessed Thinking: One year post inpatient

I wished many, unpleasant thoughts on my Memphis Teacher Residency coaches, professors and mentors when, each evening, I stopped to reflect on that day's teaching. Every day felt the exact same, so posts felt inauthentic and a waste of time. Now, I see the magic in their madness, because each day is not the same, self-reflection is an investment and, if I'm mindful enough, there are shifts in my life worth documenting.

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